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They also show their love for their partner by caring in practical ways – such as tending to his emotional needs.
Meanwhile, men put their emotional eggs in one basket (their relationship with their partner) and express their love through sex.
So while you might think it doesn’t matter if dates, romance and flirting drop down your list of priorities after having children, it matters a huge amount to him.
Often men who have affairs tell me, ‘It’s not fair that I’ve been labelled as the one who left because my wife left me years ago – for our children.’Women get their needs for intimacy met in a variety of ways – including from friends and from raising children.
Obviously daughters don’t like it either, but they have learnt more strategies for dealing with it from the constant falling out and making up with their friends at school.
So when his mother gets angry, his only strategy for coping is to appease her (because she’s probably the most powerful person in his life).
But, just as importantly, if you’ve hit a bad patch, these insights can help explain why your husband has turned into a stranger and stop you descending into crisis.
We men have been brought up to act on, rather than examine our feelings.
When you have children you are unlikely to let love rule your life. After all, if he’s going to hand over his emotional wellbeing to you, he really needs to believe in ‘the power of love’.
For men, love has to be everlasting to cope with handing a woman his heart (and his emotional life) and being terrified of being so vulnerable.